I have to give you a heads-up, I have a funny little feeling that majority of this blog is going to be completely inappropriate. But since most of my friends & family are equally as disturbing as I am, this shouldn't be a problem.
The first few weeks went bydragging ass quickly. Honestly, it's like the second you have a secret to tell, everyone tries to have a conversation with you about it. I might be the worlds best bullshitter, but ironically enough, I'm not that great of a liar. Well, sometimes I am- and I'm so good, I actually believe my own lie... but I like to think that part of me is in the past. Nowadays, when I try to lie, I start to smile and giggle like a huge ass. "What?! Me? Lying (giggle giggle)... No Way! (giggle giggle)" <-- I look quite special when I act this way. And on top of trying to conceal my inner secret, I'm also trying to conceal this muffin top/bloated/looks-like-I-have-to-take-a-week-old-shadoobee of a belly bump. As I'm writing this, I'm about 7 weeks pregnant. In all the books I have read, it says "By now, you probably have lifted up your shirt, pushed your belly out, and pretended what you will soon look like with a belly bump." Um, excuse me, I don't have to push out anything- it is naturally doing this on it's own. Actually, I can't even suck this thing in. Who wrote these books?? And why are you doing this to me??
This leads me to the bout of emotions I've been dealing with lately. The books also stated "You may be feeling many emotions" and I believe this is an understatement. Just yesterday, I was driving home (side note: It was a sunny Arizona summer afternoon, and my car read 111 degrees). I saw a man standing on the side of a road with a sign for DR Horton homes. I whispered "I can't look at him anymore, I'm going to cry" to which my sweet understanding husband replied "Don't be ridiculous" and then right there, in a blink of an eye, tears came streaming down my face. "It's SO HOT out there Cole! Don't tell me I'm being ridiculous! What's RIDICULOUS is that this OLD MAN is outside in 111 degree weather SWEATING for DR HORTON!! I HATE DR HORTON! HOW could they DO THIS to an OLD MAN? HOW!? WHAT if THIS WAS OUR CHILD OUT THERE?!" and I quickly reached into my purse to hand this poor soul a $20. But then I reminded myself he wasn't a homeless man begging for change. So then I threw him my 1 liter bottle of ginger ale out the window and sped off down the street to MY STUPID DR HORTON home.
By the time I got home, I was super nauseous. God damn these hormones!! And god damn DR HORTON for making me throw my only bottle of ginger ale out my window to that poor old man sweating on the streets of Scottsdale! I laid in bed and ate saltines and patted my belly until the feeling slowly disappeared. Whenever I'm feeling nauseous these days (which is every other minute of each passing hour) I have noticed it helps to eat saltines, pat my belly, and watch Jersey Shore or Teen Mom on my DVR.
I was meeting my family out for dinner that night - I had been craving Chompie's matzah ball soup, along with an everything bagel toasted with melted cheddar cheese, and 2 rainbow cookies (now you may understand my undying need to constantly unbutton my pants). I went through 10 outfits and wound up crying on the floor of my master bedroom closet for the 2nd day in a row. Honestly, nothing looks right. I'm not supposed to be showing yet and I can't suck in and I don't like walking around thinking people are staring at me saying "Wow, when is the last time she went to the bathroom? She REALLY has to take a #2" - which, is definitely true, but besides the point. This bloated feeling is going to be the death of me.
PS Chompies burned my bagel. The bagel I had been craving for over a week. They are SO lucky I didn't break down in tears, since that is now the current trend in my life.
The first few weeks went by
This leads me to the bout of emotions I've been dealing with lately. The books also stated "You may be feeling many emotions" and I believe this is an understatement. Just yesterday, I was driving home (side note: It was a sunny Arizona summer afternoon, and my car read 111 degrees). I saw a man standing on the side of a road with a sign for DR Horton homes. I whispered "I can't look at him anymore, I'm going to cry" to which my sweet understanding husband replied "Don't be ridiculous" and then right there, in a blink of an eye, tears came streaming down my face. "It's SO HOT out there Cole! Don't tell me I'm being ridiculous! What's RIDICULOUS is that this OLD MAN is outside in 111 degree weather SWEATING for DR HORTON!! I HATE DR HORTON! HOW could they DO THIS to an OLD MAN? HOW!? WHAT if THIS WAS OUR CHILD OUT THERE?!" and I quickly reached into my purse to hand this poor soul a $20. But then I reminded myself he wasn't a homeless man begging for change. So then I threw him my 1 liter bottle of ginger ale out the window and sped off down the street to MY STUPID DR HORTON home.
By the time I got home, I was super nauseous. God damn these hormones!! And god damn DR HORTON for making me throw my only bottle of ginger ale out my window to that poor old man sweating on the streets of Scottsdale! I laid in bed and ate saltines and patted my belly until the feeling slowly disappeared. Whenever I'm feeling nauseous these days (which is every other minute of each passing hour) I have noticed it helps to eat saltines, pat my belly, and watch Jersey Shore or Teen Mom on my DVR.
I was meeting my family out for dinner that night - I had been craving Chompie's matzah ball soup, along with an everything bagel toasted with melted cheddar cheese, and 2 rainbow cookies (now you may understand my undying need to constantly unbutton my pants). I went through 10 outfits and wound up crying on the floor of my master bedroom closet for the 2nd day in a row. Honestly, nothing looks right. I'm not supposed to be showing yet and I can't suck in and I don't like walking around thinking people are staring at me saying "Wow, when is the last time she went to the bathroom? She REALLY has to take a #2" - which, is definitely true, but besides the point. This bloated feeling is going to be the death of me.
PS Chompies burned my bagel. The bagel I had been craving for over a week. They are SO lucky I didn't break down in tears, since that is now the current trend in my life.
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